I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
time to smoke my breakfast
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
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Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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