I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
