Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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