I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
