My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Randomize
