Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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