i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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