My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
