Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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