idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
