I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
