My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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