im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So. Much. Porn.
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