hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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