Swine flu is the new snow day.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
