I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He did a backflip because drugs
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
