paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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