So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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