hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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