will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
