do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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