Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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