Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My vagina is officially offended.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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