Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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