first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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