The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
