I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
