I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
