You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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