I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She even gives head with a lisp.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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