Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
