Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
