I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
COCAINE IS GR8
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
