so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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