i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
