"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
