her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
