I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I looked at my own cervix.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
