I love black thongs
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My pussy is not your playground.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
