This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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