The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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