well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
