Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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