there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dad took our porno
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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