I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
