i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
