I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
