I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
