Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
