i would punch a child for taco bell
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
