my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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