Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
