I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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