My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
