Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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