I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
