Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
